


sunflower

by jeekiesdevastation



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Other, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Supportive friend, im not a licensed therapist, yall im just projecting its fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27034585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeekiesdevastation/pseuds/jeekiesdevastation
Summary: jisung experiences a panic attack and felix, sunshine boy, helps his good ole pal feel better :)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix
Comments: 6
Kudos: 93





	sunflower

**Author's Note:**

> song is "sunflower" by post malone
> 
> i did not write the lyrics this is my citing my sources

The sounds of laughter and occasional yelling came from outside his locked bedroom door. Separated from the commotion, he sat on the corner of his bed and tried to calm himself down. His limbs and gut felt tingly while his mind had trouble focusing. Nothing made sense to him about what he was experiencing. He bit the insides of his cheek without realizing it, and he fixed his eyes to the floor. 

He groaned, cupping his head in his hands. He came out of his hunched position on the corner of his bed and laid back in exasperation. His heart was rushing, breath shaky and chest clenching. 

Jisung was having a panic attack. 

He could hear the rest of his group celebrating a job well done after their recent concert. Usually, the members were exhausted to their core, dragging themselves out the van and into the dorms. However, the rush of adrenaline hadn’t settled down for them yet, so the excitement continued from off the stage.

The love of performing and the harnessing of his natural-born talent usually lead Jisung to feelings of comfort. The wave of shouts from fans boosted his confidence, and he normally felt right at home with the other seven members after a show. All of tonight went according to the normal routine, but Jisung nevertheless found himself struggling to bring himself back to stability. When the other boys hopped out of the van from the venue, he slowly crawled out on trembling legs, eyes slightly widened in disbelief of his state as he quietly went to his shared room and shut the door. 

He hoped this would all blow over quickly enough to make the rest think he was just changing or taking a bathroom break, but the suffering had lasted so long already that part of him thought that there was no end in sight. Jisung gripped his hair and screwed his face up, wishing to push out the anxiety with his own force. When he couldn’t, even though he knew it wouldn’t work, he felt weak and helpless. Jisung felt as if his mind was going to condense him into a tight ball of panic, shriveling up into nothing. 

A whimper of frustration escaped him. His throat felt like it was clogged, and he couldn’t imagine partaking in the snacking going on in the kitchen. He wanted to scream to his brain to let him out of this trap, but instead, Jisung decided to try and steady his breathing. He felt too just  _ useless _ against his own body. He wanted to feel normal and real again, but his mind went beyond realizing he was existing and went into a primal state of just reacting to nothing. Jisung curled into a ball, hoping sleep would overcome him and solve all his problems. 

“Jisung?”

His ears perked up at his name. “Damn,” he whispered to himself as he snapped himself into a temporary and superficial state of control.

“Yeah?”

“Are you in the bathroom? You’ve been in there for a while. What, did you fall in the toilet?”

Jisung heard the unmistakable laugh of Felix outside the door and began to panic further. How long had he been there? What did he say? Had the others noticed too?

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’ll be out in a second.”

Jisung waited for footsteps leaving the door but instead heard a rattling of the doorknob. 

“Jisung?”

“Yeah?”   
  


“Why is the door locked?”

His heart stopped in his chest for a moment. He tried sorting through his clouded mind for an answer. When he came up with nothing, he chose to stay quiet. Hopefully, Felix would think he was masturbating or something like that.

More rattling came from the door. 

“Jisung, Chan said you’ve been acting off since the car ride.”

No response came from Jisung yet again. 

“Can I come in?” 

Felix was being nosy, and Jisung was begging internally for him to leave him alone. His hopes were interrupted by murmuring and jangling. 

The door swung open, shocking Jisung into sitting upright with his eyes wide open as if he got caught doing something horrible. He saw Felix’s silhouette in his doorway and Hyunjin with a bent bobby pin, a worried expression on both of their faces. Felix’s eyes fixed on Jisung and grew concerned once he realized the lights were off. Hyunjin looked like he was about to say something, but Felix waved his hand behind his back to signal some privacy. Hyunjin then sighed and walked away quietly, sneaking worried glances at Jisung as he left.

“What, uh, what’s going on?” 

All sensation left Jisung as the subsided panic attack returned full force. Words gagged him as he spoke to his friend.

“I don’t even know, there’s nothing wrong, I just...” He gave up speaking, his thoughts leaving him immediately without anything to describe his feelings. 

“Is it happening again?” Felix hesitantly stepped in and shut the door behind him, turning on a lamp as he carefully approached Jisung. 

“...Yeah,” Jisung mumbled. The light took a bit getting used to, straining his eyes. He heard Felix hum deeply with affirmation. His eyes gazed upon Felix’s calm smile as he felt the bed sink next to him. Jisung watched as his friend searched the room and stopped at the guitar in the corner. Felix reached over and grabbed it, handing it to him. 

“I think if you, well, I think if you focus on something else that calms you, maybe you’ll feel better? I don’t know if that’s helpful, but I feel like if you tried to play, it would be better than sitting in a room alone, yeah?” Felix’s gaze was soft, and Jisung could detect no sense of panic in his eyes. 

“C’mon, there you go,” Jisung heard Felix sigh as he took the guitar. His hands were still shaking, and they gripped the smooth wood tightly. 

“I don’t know.”

“Hm?”

“I don’t know if I can play.”

“I think you can”

With that Felix took his hands and placed them over Jisungs quivering ones, gently rearranging his fingers to hold a D-chord on one hand and directing the other over the strings. Before Jisung could process what was happening, his hand was guided to strum. It felt comforting to not need to control his own hands, having someone help him through even a simple task.

“See?”

“...”

“Now, G”

Jisung paused and turned to look at his hand, Felix’s hand right under it. He moved his fingers into position and pressed, and his friend took the cue to brush his hand against the strings again. They repeated the action with E minor, and then G again. His brain had trouble comprehending the song that they were playing, but when Felix started to sing quietly, he recognized exactly why Felix picked those chords.

_ “Needless to say, I keep it in check _

_ Jisung’s all bad-bad, nevertheless” _

Felix giggled at his own joke and scanned Jisung’s face for a sign of a smile, grinning even wider when he found it. Jisung lifted the corner of his lips into a brief smirk.

_ “Callin’ it quits now, baby, I’m a wreck _

_ Crash at my place, baby, you’re a wreck” _

Jisung would change the chord, and Felix would sing the lyric, still holding Jisung’s hand to strum. They sat like that for the minutes that the song lasted, taking longer than the original because of the slowed tempo and pauses in between chords. 

“I know you like Post Malone. Should we do another one of his songs? There’s not too many more I know, though,” Felix offered, cocking his head to the side. Jisung turned his head to look at Felix’s face, slightly more relaxed. 

“I’ll do that one again,” Jisung said. He turned back to his guitar and sat up a bit straighter. Felix scooted over to his side rather than behind him, letting go of Jisung’s slightly stiller hands. Jisung began to play again, more confident in his ability to process his surroundings. Felix took the cue and started to sing again.

_ “Then you're left in the dust unless I stuck by ya _

_ You're a sunflower, I think your love would be too much _

_ Or you'll be left in the dust, unless I stuck by ya _

_ You're the sunflower, you're the sunflower” _

After the last verse was sung, the two sat in silence for a moment, enjoying each other’s company. Jisung felt his heart rate slow, his thoughts becoming more directed and present. A brief yawn escaped him, and he turned to his friend who was beaming at him. Felix giggled again, clapping his hands. 

“You tired? It was a good, long show.” 

“Yeah”

“Jisung?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to be okay for now?”

Jisung just nodded and gave a genuine smile. He expected Felix to leave after that, but instead, after he set the guitar back down in the corner, he got up to turn off the lamp and hopped back onto the bed. Felix snuck behind Jisung, putting an arm around him, and sighed with exhaustion. 

“Well, try to get some rest, okay? Don’t worry, I won’t leave you alone with yourself.” Felix reached over and ruffled Jisung’s hair, snuggling further into his back. “I know it can be nasty up there, yeah?”

Jisung took Felix’s hand and held it, squeezing it with his newly found strength. They breathed together and felt comfort in the other’s warmth, bodies crashing after an intense night. 

“Thanks, baby.”

Felix paused for a moment, completely caught by surprise by the comment, only laughing seconds later. 

“I guess you feel better, then”

It took only an hour of laying like this for Jisung to succumb to the lull of sleep, his mind finally at ease. 

  
\------  
  


The door creaked open, a beam of light pouring into the dark room. 

Chan poked his head into the room and met eyes with Felix, who managed to stay awake just to keep an eye on Jisung.

“He’s alright?”

“Yeah, he’s gonna be fine,” Felix whispered.

“Good. Hey, that was some good singing there,” Chan smirked, stifling back a laugh as Felix buried his face in the back of Jisung’s neck with a groan. 

“Really? I thought it was terrible,” he said as he poked his head back up.

“He will tell you the same,” Chan said, nodding his head towards the sleeping Jisung. 

“Ah, whatever. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Felix. You sure he’s gonna be good?”

The two looked at Jisung, hearts warming from the sight of him fast asleep.

“Then alright, see you guys tomorrow.” Chan softly closed the door behind him. Felix nuzzled back into his position. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic so thank u 4 reading!!!!!! i tried i kno im no creative writing major but listen i do my best
> 
> love yall <3


End file.
